That bothers me a lot. The time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day has long been my very favorite time of year, almost for as long as I can remember, but this year feels so different. Maybe its because we had a near fatal car crash the day before Thanksgiving, that almost took our lives, left me with a ridiculous case of PTSD, and did cost me a truck that I really loved.
Sure, by most people's standards, it wasn't much of a truck, but it was mine, it was paid for, and it ran reliably. Considering its enormous size and weight, it was pretty decent on gas. It was that very same large mass (that gave it a less than desirable carbon footprint), that saved our lives that day.
The large doe that caused the accident, was not impressed by the mammoth '97 Ford Explorer, trust me. R.I.P, Bambi's mother!
And I now realize more than ever what that truck really was to me... my freedom and independence.
For folks who have lived in rural areas most of their lives (without access to public transit, car pools, taxis, and such), they know exactly what I am talking about. And for the first time in my life since getting my license, I am without a vehicle, and without the ability to come and go as I please, to perform even the most mundane tasks. Housebound...a prisoner in my own home, and I hate it.
Add to all that, the fact that we are moving back to Vermont, which is a wonderful thing because its where I really belong, where my family is, and where everything I love and hold dear as far as ideologies and lifestyle are concerned, resides. That said, the impending move leaves me housebound in a house where chaos abounds! Boxes... fully packed, half packed, or in a state of limbo, are everywhere!
The cabin no longer looks or feels like "me". My walls are bare, my books are gone, and I feel almost like I spend my days imprisoned in someone else's house...someone else's messy house. As a result, my OCD sensors are on high alert 24/7!Worst of all, due to the major move next week, there is no sign of Christmas here. Outside or in. No exterior illumination, that last year gave this tiny log cabin a "gingerbread house" appearance, no lights inside, no festive Christmas tree, festooned many with year's worth of treasured ornaments, no holiday baking and cooking, no presents wrapped or to be wrapped. They have all been shipped to our new address in Vermont and await my arrival. Sigh...
This year I live my pre-Christmas excitement vicariously through "oohhhing and aaaahhhhhing" over friends and family's preparations for the season as they are uploaded to Facebook. I've realized I have become a "pics" addict, demanding friends and loved one share their photos, almost as soon as their snapped, so I can somehow feel a part of all that's going on outside these... four... walls.
But all of that said, those things are not the biggest culprit working hard to undermine and steal my Christmas Spirit. Its Wall Street. Its corporate greed. Its Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Cyber Week, Last Minute Deals of a Lifetime, Last Chance Deals, Lay-A-Way, Buy Now Pay Later, Only 5 left Get It Before Its Gone Deals, and Americans who've been duped into buying into the whole pathetic mess; hook, line, and sinker. Those things, are the Grinch in my Christmas!
Being housebound this year, working from a home office which keeps me tied to Cyber America for many hours each day, and having a TV addict for a husband, has left me at the mercy of everything the corporate ad agencies have to throw at me and cram down my throat! And I'm about ready to vomit! I delete dozens and dozens of emails each day from companies offering me "one day only" pricing and "last minute deals"! Really? That's what you said yesterday... and the day before that...and the day before that.
Oops... excuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
So what's the answer for me then? In a world gone mad with greed and consumerism, how do I deal on a personal level? I live vicariously through the meaningful moments of other's celebrations, like some kind of "Christmas Voyeur", I listen to beautiful classical, instrumentals of carols and hymns (thank you Pandora and Spotify!), and I look forward to one week from today, when the move back to Vermont will be history, and I will be surrounded by family and friends, and we'll do Christmas the way we do it... slower, sweeter, and gentler. Full of traditions, old and new; and free, for the most part from the madness that has become Christmas in America. And for that, I am and will be very, very thankful.
If it makes you feel any better I, who never decorate for Christmas, have been decorating for your arrival. :)
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